


In His Father's Eyes

by Winchestifer



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Angst and Feels, Dean Feels, Dean Winchester Feels, Depressed Dean Winchester, Drunk John Winchester, Gen, Hurt Dean Winchester, Sad Dean Winchester, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-17 14:24:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8147320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winchestifer/pseuds/Winchestifer
Summary: Dean cries every night, reliving every failure he has made in silence because he must remain strong for Sam no matter how hard his father beats him down.





	

_“You are disrespectful, never appreciative and have a chip on your shoulder the size of a ferris wheel.”_ The words rambled through Dean’s mind, trickling through his pain like tiny razor blades through flesh.

 _“You’re just like that bitch.”_ The one John couldn’t stand.

 _“if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were on the rag.”_ John was mean.

 _“If you don’t like how I run things then you can KISS MY ASS!”_ Alcohol really was a truth serum. John never lied.

Dean trembled as he sat in the darkness. All he had ever done was try to make his father proud. He became selfless, caring for Sammy, making sure his brother had everything, regardless of his own sacrifices. Everything he bought, he made sure everyone else got some too.

For years, Dean felt alone, abandoned by John, and even borderlined hated him, but then John would say things, do things, threaten his own existence, and that always brought Dean down to feeling bad for ever hating his father.

 _“I may not be the best Dad, but at least I was one.”_ Dean’s mother was dead and John was all he and Sammy had.

 _“Maybe I will just disappear one day and no one will know where I am or what happened to me.”_ Dean feared he would never see his father again every time John walked out that door.

 _“Get the fuck off the victim bullshit and take charge of your life! I ain't gonna be alive forever… do it for you… not me.”_ John couldn’t even console Dean when he told his father he was falling to pieces and just needed a hug from his father.

Dean rocked on the bed, holding the bottle of whiskey close to his abdomen. He wanted help, he needed a hug, he wanted reassurance he was going to be okay… but he didn’t want to wake Sammy. Sammy didn’t need to see him this way.

So Dean laid back on the bed, silently crying and wiped his watery eyes, like he did every night… trying to get past the images of the physical altercations, the looks on his father’s face as he got inches from Dean to shout… that scent of alcohol stamped on his breath.

Dean was too strong to give up, he had Sammy to live for. But some nights he was too weak not to cry. To cry himself to sleep, sometimes wishing he would never wake up.

Dedicating your life to trying to please someone is a waste of time, and it made the pain all the worse. And Dean was tired, so tired…

So he fell asleep, wondering what else he could do to make his father love him, make him worthy in his father’s eyes.


End file.
